Friday 31 December 2010

Day 31

It is the day, where all dreams come true.
The lotto draw, the big one, is tonight, the one I have worked on winning since 2008, and have been sharing my journey with you this month.
I felt excited when I woke up, received some extra money in my account and spoke to a girlfriend about it which lifted my vibration as we were talking like we had won it - it was beautiful. I was excited as I went down to the newsagent to buy my ticket, wanted to it straight away but I was smoking so i thought i would go to the shops and then buy my ticket on the way back. Stopped in my tracks and thought what if i miss out by going to the shops and not buying it now and then thought i have the winning numbers so it won't matter if i do it now or later. I went to the shops and then came walking up the road and i saw the poster advertising the winning amount and i felt excited, heart opened and then a man walked in front of the sign and i felt annoyed so i moved so i was in line with the poster and then opened my heart to it, gave it a mental hug and felt so much love for it. I walked in to buy my ticket and realise that i did not know what ticket to fill in , so I waited patiently to ask the lady who was serving another customer. I felt relaxed and patient which is new for me as i always want to rush and hurry the process as i am normal scared, afraid and anxious but this time i thought as i waited while the other lady wondered what pack to buy, no need to buy the ticket as i have already won it - hehe. I filled in my numbers, quietly confident, thinking to myself as i went through the process and then i relaise that i only had 5 games and it did not cost much (first excited at how cheap it was to buy the ticket and then worried oh no what if i do not have enough and debated whether or not to buy more) and it did not feel right - 5 games so i thought i will do the numbers that i did when i first started my journey to winning the lotto and that felt right - 6 games. I asked my higher power for help and it seemed right so i proceeded to purchase my ticket. I felt excited, love (held the ticket to my heart to energise it with what i was feeling), thought taking a risk all my work is in this moment and i found it hard to let go, hesitated a moment and then said thankyou to the lady as i let go. Then there was a problem with the ticket and i panicked but i forgot to put down the day and then i panicked about that will it go through for tonight's game and then i relaxed and trusted that the lady knew what she was doing and let go again.
I felt overwhelmed with love. I felt like i had won. I had tears of joy running down my face when i got home and i really felt like i had won and i wanted to stay in that moment all day, for as long as i could. But, then doubt creeped in and then fear, and me not wanting to let go of the old life for the new life. I worried about telling people and then they take the ticket away for their own gain and then i thought if they do it does not matter as i am registered with the lotto commission and they know that i have won. I worried that i might die because i won the lotto and then you die - oh the irony. I then i thought the old way of life is dying and i will never be the same again or live the same way again - homeless, in debt, struggling, going without, not being able to provide all my son wants and all the things that i want, the stress, the anxiousness, the panic, the fear, the dread, the sick feeling in stomach, the negative running commentary of never having enough, coming from the opinion of others, caring more about what they think rather then what i think, going for something that people think is impossible and that i am crazy for going for it, swaying in the wind in with the things i do not want just to have them, instead of being solid and directing my path, not having the things i want but putting up with things just to have them in my life or to make do ... Even though I am grateful for all I have and all the wonderful changes occurring in my life i still had the old thinking creep in. But, not any more! The journey to winning has shown me that i am more powerful then i ever thought. That i can 'conceive, believe and achieve' - napoleon hill, the impossible. That is really possible when you focus on what you want, when you put the effort in, when you come from love, a sense of self and how you want to live your life, when you let go and trust all is working out perfectly, it does. 
But, as you can see I still have some inner work to do before I manifest millions in my life.
To manifesting millions xxx

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